15 Park Avenue

I watched this movie over the weekend. It is a good movie but not an entertainer. A more or less well made movie close to reality. It raises a lot of questions, shows some interesting viewpoints. One thing that made me ponder over was this statement in the movie when Shabana Azmi asks Rahul Bose to be a man and support her sister (Konkona Sen) who is completely traumatized after being raped by goons. It is shown how he thinks: he loves her but not like before and how the incident has changed his perception of their relationship and feelings for her, blah, blah… He decides, he cannot be with her anymore because she had been raped and touched by another man… He leaves her and few years later meets her by chance and decides it was incorrect to have left her… This time he has a wife and kids… Alright, well I am sure there are a lot of movies made on this topic and the sad stories are written everywhere… both in real life and on the celluloid… The questions I had: first, is it OK if she were not raped but had an ex-boyfriend with whom she had sex ... is she untouchable only because someone had raped her and not had consensual sex (or, May be it is public that she had been raped)… Second, why is it that we purportedly mature people take a decision and consider it a big mistake later on… in the process hurting people from our past, present and future… also is it always men who do such things… is there a gender bias in such situations. I wish Ms.T or Mrs.P were around to discuss… nevertheless… realizing that people move on and continuing…

First question: hmm… what is it that makes us behave the way we do with others… why in a situation like that I cannot stand by what I believed a moment ago… had I not been told what happened nothing would have changed… why are we so possessive about the things we love or like… what is it that I am afraid to be a man… why is the society around me so bent upon deciding what should by my course of action in life, oh! Is it that I have put on the shackles of societal pressure up on myself and complain about it?...

We see that in life we neglect all the bad things about a person as long as they are not ours or under our control… it is like ignoring the basic ideals and principles that we believe in for the sake of a momentary pleasure or satisfaction of whatever kind… the moment we take charge we disdain and find faults with the very things once we thought were immaculate and pristine… the value is lost upon possession… for so fleeting is our want or desire…

I remember talking to my friend T about the concept of marriage, love, etc as an Indian. She being a westerner did not understand the things I told her about the way relationships work before and after. Me say, there is a value system that I have been brought up with and for certain things in life I have a set of ideas I “want” to follow (remember it is always my choice now that I am independent). But what about dating a girl she asks? Well I am not aware of any such concept when I grew up and so it is not part of my life at least not the way I see it. All we do is talk if we like a girl. How can you marry a girl you hardly know about? Don’t know, the value system worked that way?... Why?... later it went on to other things…

Me think: Does it make sense if we go by the value system against your own changing needs? OK, but there are problems on both sides of the issue!... So what?... There are problems everywhere. Do I choose a value system just because it is tried and tested? How safe is a worn out path? Or how good is a worn out knife? I am not living in an Amish country! Well, are you trying to blame the value system which is so essential to the way you live today? NO, the value system’s significance is limited to the extent of training me, I am mature now, so I say, and need to find my own value system compatible with my own time and situation in the societal structure of the current day. Does that mean we haven’t learned anything from the value system? No, I didn’t say that, my experience in life with the value system has taught many things… which also happens to be the fundamental basis on which I plan on building my life. For am a constant learner, I would like to try new things with the help wisdom acquired through the training. I will assimilate what I consider as good and remove those ideas of the value system which are not necessary any more… keeping only the knowledge from those experiences and the reasons I omitted them. Am I defining a new value system? Yes and No, I am bringing changes to the current system but still keep many of the old (reasonable) ideas. Who decides? Of course, ME.

SECOND: Well this reminds me, “Never do anything for which you will be ashamed later”-Arnold O. Beckman. True I say, but we cannot predict what is going to come? How can I decide my future? Well, for now do not do things for which you cannot answer your own conscience. As far as the society is concerned everything is relative. The only absolute consideration you should give is to your conscience. For if you can satisfy it, there never arises a question of being good or bad.