Back to blogging after four years

Dear Blogsphere,
I am back and will post my thoughts on recent happenings' soon.

Cheers

Final Decision

I am not sure if I made the right decision or not today. But, I have made it. I rejected my dream job to have a better personal life, which by the way is not completely set yet. Then again I had to take the chance and plunge in to the life of compromise. Indecision on my part kept me at peace for sometime now, but the urge to get it over with was unbearable. So, here it is. I am moving to India at the end of summer to a new city, new job and new life, where I finally will call the shots about my future professional life. I am excited for sometime at the prospect but given the mood I am now, I will wait for a week to write about the exciting part. Oh Yes, I came back with a little boring (ranting) blog, but hey, thats life sometimes.

According to me Mumbai is an OK place. I have never lived there but spent about 4 days in my entire life in that city for interview, visit, etc. Heard a lot of things about the city on the news, TV programs, Friends and others... I have to turn this opportunity in to a great one by working hard and producing good work...

before all that I have to finish my work at hand.... tata for now

nearing completion

the other day i suddenly realized that my reading habits have taken a hit... there are many reasons for ;)... i haven't read a news article or a blog in months and yet i am busy the whole day, week, month... it is interesting how much time we spend on our new interests in life...

the title of this post is appropriate as i am nearing completion and a lot of things to finish and tie the loose ends... the loose ends take as much time as the original bulk of the work took... i am glad am closer to the end and all i need is a place to move next to... that remains a big question mark yet...

as they say hope is good thing and hard work pays off most of the time :)

adios

random

I guess sometimes I feel out of place... even among people I know... my mind is preoccupied and can't get it free from things happening in life... so happens to be at this friends place I often visit and spend a lot of time... all the people were known to me but I never had a one to one conversation with some... this makes it hard to join the people and talk about life in general... also the group is quite boring sometimes discussing things that some of us have no idea about... I guess it is called group dynamics... well it looks like I am complaining... not really... the issue is when you want to talk to the close ones and it happens to be the party night things aren't as usual... you feel completely out of place and I often leave the place... anyways, it was just one night, actually less than an hour or so before I was out of there and be myself again at peace walking on my way home in an absolutely beautiful weather...

recently I got a department award for academic excellence and was happy that I received... got my certificate yesterday at a banquet... actually when I applied for it, I told my boss I want that money desparately, to get my car fixed among many other things... so I applied and am going to get some tax free money :)...

my writing skills are really being tested right now... as one would see it from my blog it ain't that good and the report is taking a lot of time even though it is technical...

adios

whats happening?

I don't know what is going on right now in life. Its playing games with me and I just let it do so not knowing of the consequences. Time passes by like a wip of air and I hold on to a thought in the hope of happiness and satisfaction. Weather I succeed is the question that comes to mind, often. But, am enjoying the moments and shouldn't let them decide my future. I rest here for today with an eagerness of a child waiting for the goodies to arrive.

Adios

Back to my elements

Finally things are normal at Lab. Same work and some good results. Need to put in more hours but its just a matter of time I do that. There is an important meeting this week. Just prepared for what to come. Realized the deficiences and am in the process of fixing them. No commitment form my side yet but need to make the decision soon. Though the desire is irresistable I am coming to accept what to come. The weather just became pleasant and hope it stays put for a the rest of winter/spring.
You all have a wonderful time out there :)

adios

beat... dab dab... dab dab...

when I see you my heart races like a bullet with a speed more than that of light... it goes stright to the brain and makes me disfuntional... what is it, I don't know. all I want to see is your smiling face... dear please smile for me!

dard

dard ki daryaa paar kar li hamne
mudke dekha tha yeh sochke ab dard ko peeche chod diya
magar paar karte huay poori tarah bheeg gaye dard mein
ab intezaar hai woh dhoop ki jo hame is dard se mukti dilayega!

Story - Stuck

Stuck is what you could define of Gopi's state of mind right now. There is no moving from it, not even an Angstrom. He is in a deep dark hole where all he can listen to his heart beats and heavy breath. The feeling is squishing both his heart and mind. Priorities have changed and his sleeplessness is not helping him either. Remember, Gopi likes to have a good sleep. The more he talks or thinks the more it hurts. But, he does that anyway. Sometimes he feels like running to a point of no return. Where this is possible he doesn't know.
He is stuck, deeply stuck. No matter what anyone tries he is gonna be stuck there for some more time.

Eklavya

All I can say is WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THAT ABOUT. Haven't seen such a bhankas, over hyped movie in a long time... after munnabhai you expect the guy to make good movies... and guess what the best part of movie happens to be sanjay dutt as the police officer...
don't watch unless you have a drink... well I drank quite a bit after watching the movie... not really I went to the red hot chillip peppers concert here and it was lot of fun... O man it was too good...
so, to end it all I had a good weekend so far :)

Control+Alt+Delete

I have used these three buttons on the keyboard of a computer. I wonder, do we have similar keys in our lives too??? So that I can go to the task manager and kill the processes that I dont't want to run. Guess, there is a button, it is called work your ass off. Hmmm... what am I waiting for then???

Hmmm

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy
if not, you'll become a philosopher
--Socrates

Is it because I am pursuing Doctor of Philosophy that I am still Single... what on hell was I thinking all these days! no no, months! na na, YEARS! damn it... should get my basics right... j/k -:)

The above italicized text was an email forward. Why do people send such stuff I don't understand :(

Adios

Requiem

Who will sing or play my requiem? The thought of death came to my mind a couple of days back, in sleep, in a dream. After a day of insignificance, wandering mind thinking of the lost ones, on a day that ended in a speechless me and the death of my smile with the unseen sunset hiding behind the dark clouds. In trying simplicity, I have complicated things so much that the thought of death clouded my beautiful, white, snow covered valley though which I often take my long walks. I wasn't prepared for what was to come, yet it took place uncontrolled and unabated. I shut my mouth and killed all the enthusiasm within me. Don't know why? Don't know why? I don't need an answer. All I want is my white snow, clear, radiating on a sunny day until the sun sets throwing the shadows of stripped trees. My sleep, laden with enchanting dreams.

Baatasaari - Sri Sri

The following is a small part called Baatasaari from Sri Sri's Mahaprasthaanam. The initial part is adopted into a song in Aakali Raajyam movie. Unfortunately it is not available anywhere online to listen. They have only the popular ones like saapatu, kannepillavani, etc. I think Balu did a good job to express the emotion involved in Sri Sri's writing.

Kooti kosam, Kooli kosam,
Pattanam lo bratukudamani,
Talli maatalu chevina pettaka,
bayaluderina baatasariki,
moodu rojulu okka teeruga,
nadustunna dikku teliyaka--
Nadi samudrapu naava reethiga
sancharistoo, sanchalisthoo,
digulu padutoo deenudoutoo
tirugutuntae--,
chanda chandam, teevra teevram,
Jvaram kaastae, bhayam vaestae,
pralaapistae---,
mabbu pattee, gaali kottee,
vaana vastae varada vastae,
chimma cheekati krammukostae,
daari tappina baata sariki
yentha kashtam
kallu vaakita nilipi choochae
palletoollo talli yemani
palavaristondo
chinta nippulu laaga kannulu
cherigiposae mantalettaga
gundusoodulu guchchinatley
sirovedana athiseyinchiga
raathri nallani raati polika
gunde meedane kooruchundaga
talli pilchae kalla dhrusyam
kaLLa munduta ganTuleyaga
chevulu sokani pilupulevo
talachu kuntoo, kalata kantoo
tallaDille
kellagille
vallatille baatasaariki
yenta kashtam
atani bratukuna kade aakharu
gruddi cheekati loanu goobalu
mokarinchaayi
vaanavelasi mobbulo oka
merupu merisindi
vegujaamunu teliyajestoo
kodi koosindi
vidina mobbula nadumanundi
veguchukka vekkirinchindi
baatasaari kalebaramto
seetavaayuvu aadukuntondi
palletoollo talli kedo
paadukalalo pegu kadilindi

scary...

sort of hesitant to go outside, even for the most desired coffee... it was cold the past week and it is going to be like that for another week according to weather.com... temperature at 9:30AM is -1F and feels like -18F. The four layers of clothing had no effect in keeping me warm...

End is a new beggining

Everything comes to an end. You push the envelop so hard that it gives up. But every end is a start that brings new hope... lets restart and build it anew throwing away the remnants of the past....

What is a Blog? - For me...

The Wiki definition of "blog" is pretty general to me. I started blogging because it was cool, fun, and I could write a journal which was anonymous, etc. I have shared it with people I knew and had to delete an entire collection of posts from the past. It was done by choice. No regrets whatsoever there. I am for A reason happy about it too. I write things that I haven't spoken to anyone either because didn't have a chance to talk or don't want to. Many are random thoughts you would get in sleep, while walking, cooking, grinding your teeth after a failed experiment, after meeting the boss, unfriendly crowd, rude friend, bad headache, credit card bill, lost files, when you want to say the F or B word at the top of your voice, etc.
After all this time I finally feel the pinch of being not able to write something I want to because there is a possibility that it might be read by the wrong person. Sad, but letting off this anonymity has its own disadvantages :(

Listening to MBK sing Pancharatna Keertanaas - Guess am feeling good now and will stop my rant

adios

tollywood

There is only one big yellow flower on an entire tree,which actually doesn't even look like a flowering tree... the heroine likes the flower on it... this she tells her young sister... she mentions it to the hero as a matter of fact... the hero belittles the heroine about the issue in front of everyone and later on that night he gives it to her secretly... AND the heroine wears it the next day and the flower still looks fresh... all this followed by a duet...

huh, what an imagination?

Read news about the telugu film industry celebrating 75 years (vajrotsavam). As one old and famous director has pointed out rightly, the telugu film industry has lost it on all fronts. It is basking in a glory that was more than three decades old. The trash that comes out puts their generation to shame and disgust. I think it is true. The percentage of good movies is so low and even the old and good actors (e.g., Kota, Tanikella) don't have much choice but to don bad characters for money. Mayabazar made in 1957, is still the best movie ever made in telugu. The art work and photography were way ahead of their times. SVR, NTR, ANR, Savitri, Relangi, were absolutely brilliant. And who can forget ramana reddy with all his magic.

Anyways, there a few guys to watch out for, especially, Shekar Kammula, Nagesh Kukunoor and Indraganti Mohana Krishna.

The idea of a nation

First of all Happy Republic Day to you all out there... may we prosper together and build a strong and peaceful India. (a little belated)

Was reading this book in India, Chanakya Neeti, pretty boring and outdated I felt. Actually, didn't like the book starting from the first page. While talking with my friend's father it came up that in ancient India, Chanakya was the first to come with an idea of a Raashtra (Nation)... Raashtra Kootah.... Before the Maurya dynasty united the most of what is India today, in those days, the country was divided in to many small kingdoms bitterly fighting with each other. He, it is believed, was instrumental in uniting (with lots of bloodshed) the whole of Bharatha Raashtra.

So, what is the point in discussing the idea of a Nation. This very idea of a nation had caused a lot of tragedy and it still continues to do so... our loyalties that lie with a nation make us so possessive that we care less for a person's life who doesn't share this loyalty with us... with in our country there are lots of divisions... can we ever come out of this mind set and work towards universal harmony? Is it plausible???

Was watching this John Stewart show on youtube and don't know who it is but there was one guy who gave a good example why people hate big and powerful countries. Imagine someone in your office (your boss) comes in and tells everyday that he is the most intelligent, greatest, powerful person and everyone else is a scumbag. According to him, after sometime, somebody in the office would simply kill this person because they can't take it anymore. Preaching what you think right is easy :(

This topic also reminds me one of Vemana's poems:
Anuvu gaani chota Nadhikulamanaraadu
Kochmayina nadiyu kodava gaadu
konda addamandu knochamai undada
Viswadhaabhiraama, Vinura Vema

Translation: When it is not your place or time, do not try to dominate. Hill looks like small in a mirror, but its much bigger.

-Adios

whats the weather like?

When I got up and looked outside the window thought it was going to be sunny and a little warm. By the time I got out for lunch it was cold and windy. The 15min walk to Green street changed the weather further and it was snowing (slightly). I got out of the restaurant having a good sandwitch and a latte and the wind has picked up. Walking back to the lab was painful and am glad to have carried a wollen cap and gloves. The current temp at 2PM reads 11F and feels like -8F. No going outside for now, the coffee from the vending machine ain't that bad...

The windchill temperature is calculated using the following formula:

Windchill (ºF) = 35.74 + 0.6215T - 35.75(V^0.16) + 0.4275T(V^0.16)

Where: T = Air Temperature (F)
V = Wind Speed (mph)
^ = raised to a power (exponential)

Windchill Temperature is only defined for temperatures at or below 50 degrees F and wind speeds above 3 mph. Bright sunshine may increase the windchill temperature by 10 to 18 degrees F.

congnition to motor skills

Have you ever observed, that when giving a presentation with a laser pointer you tend to keep it turned on while point out things. The reason why most of us do this, instead of turning off while not showing anything in particular has to do with cognition and the use of this info for future motor tasks such as moving it to a different location or point of interest.
OK, we always need to know where we are to move the pointer in a controlled manner to the next location and the effort increases everytime you turn of the laser pointer. Because, before you move it to the particular location we have to find its current position which requires some searching in space. Controlled motor skills need a starting point. This is true with every task that needs congnition to perform motor skills.
My two cents!

PS- attended a seminar and the speaker was swaying the pointer all over and it was a bit hard to look at the things on the slides...

Weekend

Another weekend arrived in a flash, almost. Really scares the hell out of me. This means another monday meeting, no results. I don't know why I keep subscribing to this idea of weekends, old habit. I have become so asocial these days that keeping myself engaged is rather painful. Socializing is equivalent to pretty much avoiding work these days. Last weekend pretty much got wasted. I definitely need to wrap up this thing irrespective of the outcome. On the contrary, I did feel happy at times, that I found many problems to be solved and lot of theory that I wouldn't have learnt otherwise.

another beauty

vidulaku mrokkeda saMgIta kOvidulaku mrokkeda - tyAgarAjA, mayamalava gowla, aadi, MSS

round and round and round...

I am just going round and round... back to square one... posted three times today... what the hell am I doing on this planet... really tired from this qualitative bullshit... life needs a change and a big one at that... I am booking my tickets right away... dude, be ready I am on my way...

I wanna sing and sing and swing and swing till I tumble down
I wanna fly like a bird with the wind in my face
slowly soaring above the ground
tarachi kolavaku kolavaku kaalaanni
gurtunchukunEntaga Emunnadi nii ninnallO monnallO
Ticky Ticky Ticky Ticky clock goes round
Tickety Ticky fun goes on
Ticky Ticky Ticky Ticky come along
When everybody is going round and round
and round and round and round and round...
- Anukokunda Oka Roju

ha ha :)

ennALLUrakE yuMduvO jUtAmu
yevaraDigE vAru lEdA - (tyAgarAjA, pantuvaarali, misra chapu, MSS)

translates something like:
lets see how long you will be idle
isn't there anyone to question you?

sort of decribres my current state :)

THE argument

What has listening to Carnatic music got to do with being religious? I have listened to it since I was a kid. Hated it when it was played early morning because it disturbed my sleep. Sung along with my grandmother. It is part of my culture. I love music for music and it makes me happy.

The X = X+1 Factor

Sometime back a classmate of mine had sent an email forward to the yahoo group with the title something like the title of this post. Had a long explanation about why is that some of us end up planning to go back but remain here following the X=X+1 syndrome. He just wanted us to ponder over it. In short, the meaning was simple, we want to go back next year which never comes.

The reason for this post is RaKi has left for India for good last year with his family (yes he is married and has a kid) to Mumbai. Number three on my list of friends who left for India. Just last week got to know "Arbit" N is also leaving for good in a month or two whenever he can find a buyer for his home. Couple of my cousins also moving back in a year. I guess India is getting better and offering many opportunities :)

Really a "Momentary Lapse for Reason"

"On The Turning Away"

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say
Which we won't understand
"Don't accept that what's happening
Is just a case of others' suffering
Or you'll find that you're joining in
The turning away"
It's a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow
And casting it's shroud
Over all we have known
Unaware how the ranks have grown
Driven on by a heart of stone
We could find that we're all alone
In the dream of the proud
On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord
Using words you will find are strange
And mesmerised as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night
No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
It's not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there'll be
No more turning away?

-- Momentary Lapse of Reason by Pink Floyd

Yes, there is no more turning away. There are times when we turn away. All we will be left with are memories at the end. The good ones bring a smile and those others will give sleepless nights. It is not a duty but to avail oneself to those is the best one can do in this life of self fixation

wish granted :)

saw some snow today... a little bit settling at the edges of the pavement, around tree trunks, etc... as if my wish was granted :D

random urge...

this new urge is taking its toll on me... can't keep myself from digressing... am reading novels one after the other and this bed time reading has generated many a random stories, mostly fiction, imitating some real life situations... I can't post some as they tresspass into reality... pure fiction devoid the lines of reality in between doesn't go well... good stories of fiction also miss on account of short term memory and unavailability of a computer to copy them down... guess should have been used to paper and pencil for my writing... this is what Ka does in Snow by Orhan Pamuk...
tens of posts have remained at the draft stage and am sure would never go online... i don't like to correct what I wrote the first time and hence the hapazard write up the shows up on this blog... well practice might just improve them a tad bit better...

today is sankranti :)... hope the new harvest of love and happiness has filled everyones hearts and the resultant joy showing up in the form a huge grin :D

PS:
Finished: The argumentative indian - Amartya Sen (finally)
The New Life - Orhan Pamuk
Snow - Orhan Pamuk (almost) - before I complete this hope to see some snow, they (weather.com) promised snow yesterday and the weather outside resembles somebody mourning without a drop of tear falling down the cheeks...

simple case of high strain rate effect

To observe the damage caused by dynamic or high strain rate impact on a material we use the stapler as an example. Take about 20 sheets of 20lb paper (usual printer paper) and try to staple them slowed as you would when you have 2 or 3 sheets. Depending on the quality of pins you often end up with a bent and twisted pin. If you try again by the forcing the stapler go faster you might actually end up sending the pin properly as you would want. The difference is primarily a strain rate effect. A similar but different loading was the case with columbia disaster. Typically metals are much more stiffer under impact and high strain rate loading. The dynamic case is well known. The dynamic fracture toughness is higher compared to toughness under static or quasi-static loading.

Story - Dream that cleansed his mind

Gopi woke up suddenly out of his bed. He was sweating profusely. He immediately went out of his bedroom to check the thermostat located in the living room. It was set at 70F which he usually likes to set it at. He didn't understand why was he sweating. He was not feeling sick either. Had a decent dinner that night while watching the movie, River, he liked so much. He was dreaming as usual, in the early hours. Before going back to bed he checked the clock, it just turned 4:00AM. So, he went back to bed again.

Gopi was dreaming again. It was a party in the woods with a bonfire in the peak of winter. A reunion with old friends in a foreign country. Everyone was turning around the bonfire to keep their bodies warm. A few of his drunk friends were talking old stuff from college and high school. All the bantering, jokes, small fights for drinks and left over kebabs from the dinner...

Suddenly, he wakes up again, he is sweating again even though he took off his pyjamas before going to bed last time. A young lady came into his mind. He knows it is Swapna, but cannot recognize her in the dream. It was all hazy. Couldn't get to see her clearly at the party, even though he could recognize her silhouette. She was talking with some other girl and laughing. Everything was clear in the dark, thickly covered farm area of Green Valley. He could recognize friends who he hasn't seen for 10 years.

Gopi was half asleep, he slowly dropped onto the floor, confused with what is going on. It was as if he was in two places at the same time. For the next few minutes he concentrated on the silhouette to capture a clear image. Gopi was having a little problem with his personal life. Past few weeks he has been thinking why did she write to him like that? He was nice, all through. Never got irritated with all the tantrums and reckless comments. In fact Gopi's current state of mind does not allow him for any angry reaction. In the past two months he got pissed off only once, at work. He wasn't sure what was going on in their relationship. He did not even think there was a relationship until the small talk they had at the train station. Swapna is smart, intelligent. Gopi admired her for her work and had a great time working with her for the past year or so. He was the project manager at an engineering company that makes hardware for running remotely controlled robots.

Gopi was still thinking in his sleep. He was on the carpeted floor in a single bedroom apartment on the top floor. It has been many years he left his country in search of good opportunities with a dream to fulfill, knowing and planning every step he was going to take. But, things didn't go as expected. It was almost five years since he bid adieu to his love of fifteen years. He was devastated when he got the news. He couldn't talk to anyone, including Sunder and Jyothsna. He kept the topic of love off bounds with everyone including his best friends. He thought important decisions in life should be taken alone and not be influenced by others thoughts. However, this is not true with every other decision he took. Only his friendship and later on the relationship with Shravika that was off bounds. Why was it so you will know a little later.

Every other person of opposite sex he met in the last five years, compared them to her. He couldn't control it from happening. It was the only reference point he had and in that such a deep one it took him several months to come to terms with regular life. He was ashamed at being such a baby yet he let himself to feel miserably. When he finally spoke of the situation with someone he thought would understand what he was going through, felt good that he let it out. The topic never bothered him so much again.

Gopi was confused with what was going on with Swapna. She was behaving a little different and he wasn't sure how to get it cleared out. It was bothering him as it always does whenever the situation is complicated. It was this dream that was to solve his current problem and get him some peace. He wasn't comparing her with Shravika. Shravika wasn't even part of his thoughts for the past of couple of years. He thought of Swapna only as a good friend and still would want to be so. Anything other than that would ruin the friendship. He knew that from the beginning. He had no expectations. But the mood swings and topics have changed over the last couple of months. As it is the case with all of us "what we percieve is a reflection of our current state of mind". Things got out of control for a few months. Gopi started becoming more open about his thoughts and this could have caused problems on the other side. Gopi realized this and thought of something else from a post he got from Swapna.

The dream was clear to him. He could not recognize Swapna not because he was drunk or anything. It is just a reflection of how little he knows about her. It was always he talking. Past few years he has become opposite of what he used to be in college. Talking his mind off too much. It brought him peace, he felt at times. But the same attitude had cost him his peace now. He went aloof and this he realized wasn't a good strategy. The dream had a clear message. When he first noticed her at the party there was no spark. The spark he could always see when thinking about Shravika and later on his other friend whom he talked about Shravika a few years back. He should have known that she is not the one. His admiration for her and the post he got led to him a temporary state of misbelief. He wasn't sure how he could pass this thought onto her...

Gopi got up on his feet put on the pyjamas and wet back to his bed. When he woke up it was a beautiful day outside. He was feeling energetic and was prepared to take on life as it comes again, happily.

To be continued....

World Statistics

A very interesting website maintained by a Swedish group. GAPMINDER

Ninth Schedule

The ninth schedule (refer Article 31B) has been brought under the scope of the judiciary. The first impression seems to be that it might bring a level playing field for common man and the dirty politicians who create laws for their own personal interests. There is a fear that some good measures taken in the past could be repealed. But, everything will go for scrutiny with a full judicial review and the court has the responsibility to judge rationally and come up with a reason under the purview of our constitution. The PILs have succeeded in bringing many issues out for public debate. May be this move helps the common man in India.

classic rock

Have been listening to Pink Floyd (Echoes and The Wall) since evening. The first band that got me into western music. Like first love (whatever?), guess the first band I loved so much and it still continues to be at the top my of western music chart.

Favourites:
Comfortable Numb
Another Brick in the Wall
Us and Them
Sheep
Emily
Money
Goodbye Blue Sky
many more....